I like my coffee like I like my women...
1. Hot
2. Strong
3. Black
3. Creamed
4. Extra Large
5. Colombian
6. Cold and Bitter
7. Strapped to the side of a donkey
8. Ground up and in the freezer
Anyone got more?
Showing posts with label Entertainment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Entertainment. Show all posts
I like my women like I like my coffee...
Smart Bird
A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little
Perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Golly, I
wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered
me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird ..."
"Oh yeah?" the man asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you
asked,
I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't
you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
physics, and philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really
ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The man looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20.
Just make the guy an offer!"
The man offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor,
he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
sympathizes, and he's insightful. The man is delighted.
One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if
I
should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the man.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at
the
door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy says incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees
and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic man screams, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"
Perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Golly, I
wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered
me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird ..."
"Oh yeah?" the man asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you
asked,
I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't
you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
physics, and philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really
ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The man looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20.
Just make the guy an offer!"
The man offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor,
he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
sympathizes, and he's insightful. The man is delighted.
One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if
I
should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the man.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at
the
door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy says incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees
and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic man screams, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"
Hunter Vs. Bear
A hunter is sitting in a tree overlooking a clearing when a bear walks right out into the middle. The hunter takes aim and fires, the bear goes down. He leaps from his perch, rushes down the trail and into the clearing. The bear is gone. The hunter is tapped on the shoulder, he turns to see the bear who says,
"Alright hunter, you try to screw me, I'm going to screw you!"
The bear then throws the hunter against a tree, pulls his pants down and has his way with him.
The hunter, infuriated, goes to a gun shop and buys the biggest gun he can find and returns to his spot and waits until the bear appears again. He takes careful aim, fires and the bear goes down. Down the tree and through the trail he goes into the clearing only to find it empty. The hunter feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to see the bear who says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you boy?"
"Alright hunter, you try to screw me, I'm going to screw you!"
The bear then throws the hunter against a tree, pulls his pants down and has his way with him.
The hunter, infuriated, goes to a gun shop and buys the biggest gun he can find and returns to his spot and waits until the bear appears again. He takes careful aim, fires and the bear goes down. Down the tree and through the trail he goes into the clearing only to find it empty. The hunter feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to see the bear who says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you boy?"
Man's Best Friend
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?
A Beautiful Day..!
It was so boring.. on a fine Sunny day..
I dint had any reasons to be gay..,
though it happened to be a holiday!
I had thought of taking complete rest,
thought of enjoying my best..
but when the day came, I had no interest!
Suddenly.., the sun slowed down his heat..
as if he listened to my upset heart beat..
and then came a pleasant chilly wind to meet!
I was filled with a strange feeling
that it just made me start singing..
I ran out to enjoy the weather enchanting!
Adding to this, I felt small droplets of water on my face..
WOW..It started raining, slowly increasing its pace.,
This was the moment, I was longing for so many days!
At last, I had my frustration paused,
and just stood there enjoying with an agaped applause
I really cherish.. What a beautiful day it was..!!
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